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Photo by author If we're always trying to be comfortable, the less it takes to make us feel uncomfortable. If we're always trying to do things the easy way, the less it takes to make things seem difficult. The more certain we are that we are right, the less likely we are to listen to differing beliefs or opinions. What if we're doing it all wrong? What if life is not supposed to be easy? We are engulfed these days by so many comforts and luxuries that we don't even see most of them as such. What if we've become so comfortable that we don't even realize how comfortable we really are? We've been trying to conform everything to the way that we want it to to be or think it should be, and to avoid any pain, suffering, or discomfort. But if life was supposed to be easy and devoid of challenges we would never learn and we would never grow. To be certain, To attain great comfort, To control all aspects of life; What if that is the great deception? Photo by Grant Krasner

Photo by author Work. Eat. Sleep. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. How many things do we do simply because that's the way that we've always done it? I was in the Rat Race and in a lot of ways I thought I had the system figured out. I could recognize certain patterns concerning how things worked in this world that I was familiar with. I had formed habits, or forms of redundant repetition, to the point that I felt like I could do a lot of things with my eyes closed. I had done the same things so often that my body knew how to do it without my brain even being involved. My behaviors were basically memorized. Cruise control. I thought I had a good handle on this "life" thing. I was wrong. Betty, my girlfriend, and I had enjoyed our local weekend or overnight backpacking trips for a while. We liked to try new and somewhat challenging things and push ourselves. We knew about that place called the comfort zone and we felt good about how we were testing it. But it wasn't until we sold our house and all of our possessions that we truly understood the concept of comfort zones. Once we began living life on the road we found ourselves constantly in new and different and challenging situations. This concept of comfort zones took on an entirely new and distinct meaning. Not only was it comfort zones, but every concept that I previously had was stretched beyond recognition. There was no more comfort zone. There was no more tried-and-true. I had to redefine what these even meant to me. We're always seeking the familiar and the reliable. Everything tells us what we want it to - until we ask it to tell us something different. When I changed my entire lifestyle I was no longer doing things the same way as I had always done them. My questions changed and, of course, so did my answers. Everything was new but everything was still the same. But the new was always there, hiding amongst the old. I just took the same world and looked at it a little bit differently. We all have the capacity to believe whatever we want to about ourselves, our abilities, and the world around us. If we believe it, it's because we choose to. Traveling has shown me life from a different perspective. Traveling has shown me that it's as much about looking inside of ourselves as it is looking at the outside. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Pic by Coffee And A Map

Photo of author, by Coffee And A Map Sometimes I'm full of ideas and can't seem to stop writing. Sometimes I go for days without writing a single thing. This was my very first published writing: Sometimes I plan very thoroughly and yet nothing seems to work. Sometimes I make no plans and everything works out perfectly. Sometimes I make a tiny mistake and it seems like the whole world sees it. Sometimes I execute flawlessly and no one even notices. Sometimes I have brilliant ideas. Sometimes I can't remember my own phone number. Sometimes I find profound things boring. Sometimes I find trivial things interesting. Sometimes the day goes fast and smooth. Sometimes the day seems long and rough and never ending. Sometimes my memories bring me joy. Sometimes my memories bring me sorrow. Sometimes I am consumed with doubt. Sometimes I feel incredibly confident. Sometimes I try real hard but only seem to make it worse. Sometimes I hardly have to try, yet I can sit back and watch it flow. Sometimes one minor incident steals my serenity. Sometimes an upside down day can't take away my joy. Sometimes I wish I could forget. Sometimes I wish I could remember. Sometimes I am aware of every detail. Sometimes I have no clue what's going on. Sometimes I feel like I can't win. Sometimes I feel like I can't lose. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason. Sometimes everything makes perfect sense. Life is full of sometimes. Life is a gift. We should appreciate it and embrace it all of the time. To see it in its published form, click the link https://www.elephantjournal.com/2021/11/sometimeslife-is-full-of-sometimes/ Pic by Coffee And A Map Nebraska sunset

Photo of author, by Coffee And A Map Once we began living on the road everything changed. Thoughts, questions, beliefs, ideals, where home was, all of it changed. Then I realized that I never left home. When we change course, when we change the direction of our lives, we often come up with new questions. We can also get completely different answers to the same old questions. The Beginning It's been more than three years since my girlfriend and I sold our home and everything in it and began our adventure and journey of living on the road - and we're still out here. Before we sold the house we had a few people suggest that we just rent it out so that we would have a place to return to when we were ready. A good idea, but we decided that it would ultimately diminish the challenge because the first time we got cold or uncomfortable or exhausted or struggled it would have been too easy to simply say, "eh, let's just go home." We wanted to remove every safety net possible, so we threw ourselves out there to see what would happen. Looking Myself in the Eye When we remove all of the noise and chaos from everyday life, when we strip life down to the bare essentials, things tend to become more clear. When we let go of everything we have and put ourselves in a world that can be uncomfortable and our limits are pushed on a daily basis, when there is nowhere to run to and nowhere to hide, we eventually end up looking ourselves right in the eye. In the past I used to run from myself, I fought myself, I was frozen in indecision with myself, and I have lied to myself. But out here I finally had to face myself. This tends to alter one's perspectives. Questions change, answers change, meanings change. The term "home" means different things to different people. To many it is a physical structure. It is where we believe we should feel peace and safety and comfort. To others home is where the heart is, whatever that may mean to them. There are many ideas of what home is, but the word has taken on a whole new meaning to me now. Home is not simply a building or a place; it is a state of mind as well as a state of being. Finding Home Of course, not everywhere is going to feel equally comfortable, and I still miss that house sometimes. But I have been at home as clouds of mosquitoes swarmed us on the Gulf Coast in Louisiana. I was home while camping with a group of hunters - complete strangers - in the middle of Georgia. I've been home while staying with a friend in the seemingly incessant winter rain and drizzle in southwest Oregon. I was home when we kept encountering closed campgrounds in Missouri and it was getting late and we didn't know where we were going to sleep that night. I was already home. Home has been camping among the saguaros in the Arizona desert or on an incredibly cold mountain in central California. It was in the occasional hotel room from coast to coast, sleeping in the truck at a truck stop outside of Las Vegas (among other places), and being exhausted and dirty after days on a trail or in the back country with no amenities. Home is also up in the Colorado mountains where we currently are. It is all of these places and all of those stops in between. I am already home because I never left home. The more we are at peace with ourselves and the more we are comfortable with ourselves, the more that anywhere we are can be home. To feel that we have to be in a particular physical place to have peace and comfort would seem to suggest that we haven't found it within ourselves yet. What if home is not merely a structure that we go to? What if it's a place we create within ourselves? When we stop trying to find it in other places or in other people we may just realize that it was there, within us, the whole time. Home is where we park it because that is where I am and wherever I am is home. Sure, home can be thought of as a building or a residence, but that's only a part of it. I have come to realize that home is not just a point outside of ourselves, some fixed destination. Being home is how we think and how we feel. It's a state of mind and a state of being. It's how we look at things. It's how we respond to things. It's in every single thing we do. We take our idea of home with us everywhere we go because we are our own home. To really be home is to be comfortable and at peace with ourselves. Home is wherever I am because my home is me. I am the comfort and peace. I am the destination. I am home. This is the second writing that I had published and it can be seen here - https://www.elephantjournal.com/2021/12/finding-home-meditations-from-the-road-2/ Pic by Coffee And A Map

Photo by author This may not be the road that I planned to be on. This may not be the road that I hoped or expected to be on, however this is the road I'm on. This is the road that I chose. Almost forty-seven months ago I left behind the world as I knew it. I quit my job, sold my home and everything in it and threw myself out into the world to see what would happen. I didn't make this leap into the uncharted alone, though. I had a very willing accomplice - my extraordinary partner and companion, Betty. At first there was a little bit of discord, as you could imagine, between Betty and I. We were out there on our own and we were vulnerable . Everything was a challenge and every fear and every problem was magnified. What could possibly go wrong? The truth is, this has become a mental and spiritual journey as much as a physical one. As with any great journey, it answers questions that, in the beginning, no one thought to ask. But to answer those questions, let alone hear them, I had to look within myself. Circumstances and people provided the questions, but I had to provide the answers. December 9, 2018 While camping in Chisos Basin at Big Bend National Park in Texas, we found ourselves in a conversation with an individual camping near us. We discovered that this person was, much like us, temporarily living in their minivan and traveling and exploring the country. This human being had a palpable peace and a calmness and a quiet confidence about them. There didn't seem to be an ounce of hubris in this person, unlike anything I had ever encountered. That brief exchange stuck with me. Two to three weeks later we were eating at a busy pizza place in Tucson, Arizona, when I noticed someone walk in wearing a backpack. They had a demeanor about them and a look in their eyes that I had seen before. It was evident that this person knew how to load and wear their pack, however, they also didn't quite look like a long distance backpacker. The Arizona Trail is an 800 - mile hiking trail that runs the length of that state and is very near to Tucson, but it was also December, which is not a normal time for hikers to be coming through the area. I was curious . I was intrigued. This patron went to the soda fountain so I took that opportunity to approach them in an attempt to appease my curiosity. I got next to them at the fountain and before I could say a word they began talking to me! This person - completely unprompted I might add - disclosed that they had sold all of their possessions and they were traveling the country by bus. They would stop and explore and sometimes work somewhere for a while until moving on to the next place. In their own words, "If I could give anybody any advice it would be to travel. See things and meet people. It's not like they think it is out there." After a kind and mutual farewell they were gone. I had barely spoken a word. Both of these people had a type of peace and calmness and a quiet confidence that seemed to emanate from every pore of their being. I would think of them often and wondered how they got to be that way. How did these two lives find an inner peace and a calmness far greater than anything I had ever encountered, either in myself or anyone else that I have ever met? These two brief encounters, as unremarkable as they appeared on the surface, had taken up residence in my mind for some unknown reason. Maybe it was because these two events took place as we were losing direction and hope on our journey. We were getting tired and the stress was mounting from all of the discomfort and the unceasing challenges that this new life presented. Maybe it was something else entirely. It took me a few months, but I eventually began to understand it. Little by little, what had bewildered me about these two encounters began to make sense - although to get to the answers I first had to understand the unspoken questions. There are times in life where we come to a crossroads. Major decisions and life events are, of course, potential turning points in our lives but how many other intersections do we rush through without even noticing? How many other moments in life are viable crossroads that we never even recognize? How many defining moments are missed only because we don't see them as such? Standing At the Crossroads Taking the road straight before us is the road to our wants and desires. To the right is the advice and the opinions and aspirations - and peer pressure - of our friends, family, and society. To the left is the road less traveled, the unknown road, or the hard road. This road is paved with challenges and fears. We spend so much time and energy avoiding this way, but maybe it's exactly where we should be going. We are always seeking or pursuing comfort and avoiding our fears, but it is in accepting challenges and facing our fears that we learn who we really are. We can break or fold under the pressure or we can lean into it and see what it has to teach us about ourselves. Take the hard road, the demanding road, the unfamiliar road - it's the road of discovery. On this road, challenges can't be sidestepped so they must be dealt with. It is where fears must be faced because they can't be avoided. It is where we can understand how to find comfort in the uncomfortable. It is where we can figure out how to pivot, adjust, and adapt to circumstances. It is where problems may cease to be problems, but just another thing to figure out. It's the road where possibilities can be seen, rather than limitations. When we can grasp the uncomfortable, instead of trying to elude it, we can give ourselves the ability to overcome challenges and every single moment can teach us something personal. On this road is where we can find ourselves. We should intentionally take the hard road more often because there is a certain level of peace that comes with being able to accept and even embrace the unknown. There is a certain calmness that takes over when we are constantly faced with different, intimidating, or always evolving events, yet we feel we have the ability to be able to navigate through them just fine. There is a certain quiet confidence that develops when - much like I'm certain these two people discovered - we feel like we are able to take whatever life throws at us, look it in the eyes, and peacefully and calmly and assuredly say, "It's okay, I got this." How many lessons do we miss while we're trying to avoid discomfort? Where are the crossroads and what do we do when we get there? I get it now. I found my answers. This was my third published article on Elephant Journal which can be seen here - https://www.elephantjournal.com/2022/01/why-we-should-always-take-the-hard-road-grant-krasner/ It was also on Medium , and can be seen here - https://medium.com/@coffeeandamap1/taking-the-hard-road-at-the-intersection-of-probability-and-possibility-75f6515756c8 Pic by Grant Krasner

Photo by author Our "what if" questions can restrict us, keeping us preoccupied with worries, fears, and self-doubt, or our "what if" questions can keep us curious, unlock new doors, and nudge us toward exploring possibilities. If we come at them from a different angle and change the way we ask our questions, that will also change the answers that we get. What if I actually tried to do the things that I don't think I can do? What if stress is just pressure we don't want to deal with? What if solving the issue is not the point? What if there are other options that I did not consider? What if there are things I don't know about the things I already know? What if I thought in terms of possibilities rather than absolutes? What if I ran towards difficulty instead of away from it? What if fear is just a reaction? What if my compass is my discomforts? What if being in a hurry is a big waste of time? What if it's not that I'm unmotivated, what if it's that my environment is not conducive to change or growth? What if what I do now affects what I see next? What if, rather than trying to quiet my mind, I came up with better ways to use it? What if I discovered that everything that I thought I knew was wrong? What if we are both right? What if we are both wrong? What if this turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to me? Maybe it's not about finding the right answers, maybe it's about asking the right questions. Life can get interesting when the right questions are asked. What if we have been asking the wrong "what if " questions all along? Pic by Grant Krasner

Photo by Cabin Fever Mercantile It's easy to feel confident or optimistic when we feel like we have a lot of security behind us. But what happens when all of those securities are gone? What happens when we let go of everything for the guarantee of nothing? What if the questions we avoid, the ones that make us uncomfortable, are the ones holding the most insight? It's been almost four years since I walked away from everything that I had, that I knew, and that I was comfortable with. There was a general plan in place when Betty (my partner, SO, companion, girlfriend, she's even been referred to as my wife) and I decided to live life on the road, but those plans were altered or had to be changed again and again and again. When things don't work out the way that we intended them to, it can be very inconvenient and annoying at first, to say the least. I began writing down my thoughts and ideas and feelings somewhere along the way as a means to help me understand and process everything that was happening and that I was going through internally. Not only did I begin writing things down, I decided to start sharing them publicly for some odd reason, which is even more peculiar as I am typically a quiet and reserved person. I figured I'm already wading into a strange new world, might as well dive all the way in and see what happens. I've been in vulnerable situations before but as long as I could help it, it was always a guarded or cautious vulnerability. The type that I felt that I could retreat from quickly with minimal damage to my ego, my self-esteem, my psyche. It would be like sticking my foot out from under the covers on an icy cold morning to see how cold it was and then yanking my foot back in as soon as I felt the cold air. But this time it was different; this time it was like jumping clear out of bed on that same icy cold morning only to find that the bed was suddenly gone and my clothes were nowhere to be found. Now what?? When we open ourselves up to being vulnerable then we are no longer in our comfort zone; it is when we feel that we are no longer in control. When we are used to being in control this can be awkward, uncomfortable, or even downright scary. In an age that seems obsessed with comfort, conviction, competency and control, why should we make space for vulnerability? It's not like anybody has ever won an award for being "The Most Vulnerable". We don't even like when the unexpected happens, unless, of course, it is to our benefit. So why would we deliberately subject ourselves to a vulnerable - not to be confused with life threatening or illegal - situation? We never realize how much we do, or don't do, something until we actively attempt the opposite. We don't realize how much we are used to getting our way until we put ourselves in a place where no one knows us, much less cares who we are. It was a scary thing to consciously and voluntarily put myself out there, to willingly make myself vulnerable. There are those who would say that living out of a truck is a disadvantage, that allowing ourselves to be exposed will make us more susceptible to hurt or disappointment or any number of negative things. Sure, that's a possibility, but isn't that a risk even when we are at our most guarded? We can focus on what we have to lose or we can focus on what we have to gain and I propose that each one is equally real because neither one has happened yet. By not putting ourselves in a vulnerable position we feel that we are staying safe. As a consequence, we are not risking anything and by not risking anything, we may be risking more. Allowing myself to be vulnerable was, in fact, the most empowering thing that I have ever done. It helped me see the generosity of strangers in a new and different way. It made every experience richer and more meaningful. It made my relationship with Betty more purposeful. Many things that I thought I was attached to became irrelevant. Self-prescribed boundaries began to soften and change and in some cases - almost disappear. Probabilities became possibilities. When my focus became more internal and not external, is when my openness brought about changes that I never saw coming. I began to see myself in unexpected ways. I could see more of my own shortcomings; I saw parts of myself that I didn't like or didn't even know existed because I wasn't hiding anymore. I went to places both mentally and physically that I didn't realize I was capable of reaching as all of my perceived boundaries and convictions and limits were stretched and pushed and challenged. I was being open and showing myself who I really was. Every time that I reached a new place that I didn't think was achievable, I discovered more of myself, and every time I discover an undiscovered part of me, it makes it all worth it. How can we see how much control we are trying to assert if we never surrender it? How can we know our strengths if we don't befriend our vulnerabilities? By facing the questions that made me uncomfortable and allowing myself to be vulnerable, I exposed myself. When we give ourselves permission to be vulnerable is when the beauty and the magic of life begins to reveal itself to us. To be vulnerable is to experience life and every painful, frightening, imperfect, unique, incredible, and beautiful moment, not hide from it. To be vulnerable is to discover ourselves; to be vulnerable is to be human. Sure, there may be a whole lot to lose if we give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, but I believe there is a whole lot more to gain. To let go of everything for the guarantee of nothing is to experience freedom and more of this amazing experience that we call being human. I let go of everything for the guarantee of nothing and in the process of exposing myself I began to see the real me, not the person that I believed I was or the one that I wanted to be - but the genuine and true me. I began to discover myself. This was published on Elephant Journal and it can be viewed here - https://www.elephantjournal.com/2022/02/the-beauty-of-vulnerability-an-exercise-in-letting-go-grant-krasner/ It was also on Medium, and can be seen here - https://medium.com/@coffeeandamap1/the-beauty-of-vulnerability-752989bb60fb Pic by Cabin Fever Mercantile

Photo by author Have you ever noticed that when you show a genuine interest in someone - someone you may not even know - you can ask them even just a couple of questions about themselves and before you know it they are telling you personal details, if not their entire life story?   It's amazing what people will tell us if we just listen, and they believe that we are listening.   As a species, our greatest needs (other than food, shelter, and clothing) are to be seen and heard.   We want to be acknowledged and understood. Talking about ourselves is one big way that we feel these things.   We all just want to be heard and acknowledged without judgement. Possibly the greatest gift that we can give someone is to just LISTEN.   Listen with curiosity.   Don't listen to reply.   Don't listen to talk at all.   Just listen to understand.   True listening requires us to let go of our agendas and our desire for control.   It means asking questions rather than stating answers.   True listening takes effort.   It takes focus.   Listening requires humility because you are putting someone else first. What if we stop insisting, accusing, blaming, warning, arguing, demanding, explaining, proclaiming, denying, and suggesting and just listened?   If we have to be right all the time then there is no room for curiosity or understanding.   We don't have to agree with someone just to listen to them.   Listening and asking questions is how we learn.   Listening is intended to promote understanding.   Asking pertinent questions shows that we are interested and that we want to understand.   If we are only listening to respond or argue our own beliefs then we are not truly listening or understanding.   Being a good listener is not something that just happens.   It's not something that we just can or can't do.   It takes time and practice, much like anything else, which would make it a skill.   A skill that seems to be disappearing. Everyone wants to be heard.   It gives us a sense of belonging.   Everyone wants to hear a story.   They are the substance of our lives.   And we all have a story to tell that is imperfect, yet original and beautiful.   But nobody is asking questions.   If nobody is asking questions then who is listening?   "Being heard is so close to being loved that most people can't tell the difference."  - David Augsburger Pic by Grant Krasner

Photo of author, by Coffee And A Map Yes, I did a cold water immersion. The reason why I wanted to do it is probably not what you think it is. This was one of my published writings, which can also be seen by clicking the link at the bottom. Hello, Me The fact that we can think about our thoughts, observe how we are acting, and notice how we are feeling, means that we can change or adjust them if we choose to. In psychology this is known as metacognition. We like to say that we know ourselves, but what if we really only know the thoughts and feelings that we are familiar with? Last winter I did the cold water immersion, sometimes referred to as a polar plunge or ice bath. It is the process of allowing one's body to spend time in water that is below 58 degrees Fahrenheit. In this case it was considerably closer to the freezing temperature (the picture is actually me in the water). I have read about the health benefits of doing this, such as improved circulation and reduced muscle inflammation, among other things. Some of the proclaimed benefits are proven and some are just theorized. I was definitely intrigued by these benefits but there was another reason - the main reason that made me want to do this. Have you ever gotten on a plane or had to speak in public and your heart starts racing, you get a particular unrest in your stomach, and palms start sweating? Have you ever been in traffic and started getting anxious and your muscles tensed because you thought you were going to be late to wherever you were going? Our body is producing a physiological response - an actual physical reaction - to a thought. What's more, these thoughts are of a perceived or hypothetical or imagined outcome. While these may be on the extreme end of examples, they illustrate the fact that our thoughts can and do create chemistry in our body. This is biology. Getting In the Water When you begin to get into water that is this cold, the process begins with an involuntary gasping, almost hyperventilation. The heart starts racing and panic sets in. Adrenaline, glucose, fats, cortisol and beta-endorphin hormones are dumped into the bloodstream - a chemical storm that creates the classic fight-or-flight sensation. Does it sound like fun, yet? This is what happens physiologically as our body reacts to a combination of external stimuli and our thoughts. But, wait, there's more! While standing on a towel on the ice in nothing but a swimsuit, looking into the hole that's been cut into the ice to access the river and watching the frigid water flowing underneath the ice, the mind is initially consumed by panic, discomfort, apprehension, and even fear. There is a choice at this time to let these thoughts and feelings take control and influence the decision or to go on, in spite of them. To continue is to descend the ladder into the water. Once into the water above the knees, the involuntary gasping begins. There is an awareness of the gasping. To be aware of something occurring internally means that it can also be altered or changed. Again, a choice is made. Focus. Slow, intentional breaths. Focus is only on the breathing. All the way in the water now while still taking slow, and intentional breaths. Something shifts. The nervous system has been tapped into. The fight-or-flight reaction has been overridden. The reaction is now being controlled. The voices that are around become incoherent, almost white noise or even completely blending in with the surrounding environment. Focus is on one single voice - the voice saying to breathe. Eventually that voice fades out as a kind of hyper awareness to the moment sets in. Every sensation is felt and noticed. It is observed, peculiarly enough, how being entirely and thoroughly in the moment and aware of every mental and physical sensation seems like an out-of-body experience. After 30 seconds a voice pierces the experience of the moment saying, "Time's up!", and it's over. Climbing the ladder to get out of the water brings awareness to not being able to feel the steps with the feet, even as they're being stood on, and the cold winter air is not as cold as it was before getting into the water. The Value of Discomfort We tend to stop ourselves from doing something when we reach a particular point that we have determined to be uncomfortable. This stopping point is well below the limit that we are actually capable of reaching; it's only a level of personal comfort. We want what's easy. We crave comfort and the familiar . But if we are doing everything that we can to remain in this place of comfort we can never genuinely know our true potential. Our body will only go where we let our mind take it, and this is the part that had me so intrigued. Most people fail to see the value of discomfort, but to discover what we are capable of and to really know ourselves, we must take ourselves to places we are not familiar with - to uncomfortable places - and to challenge ourselves and to push ourselves to uncomfortable levels. We can say that we know ourselves all day long, but if we never allow ourselves to be in uncomfortable situations, how can we possibly know? It is in discomfort, in the uncomfortable situations, that we can learn the most about ourselves, but it requires getting beyond the fears and the doubts and actually facing ourselves. To Control or Not to Control A cold water immersion can change the way our bodies respond to anxiety and stress, it can also reveal how much - or how little - control we have over our own inner workings. We have much more control over our internal world than many of us know or care to believe. We may not be able to control what is happening, but we can absolutely control how we respond to what is happening. The only environment that we have control over is our internal one, yet that's the environment that we least try to control because we're busy trying to "fix" everything or everyone else. We need to control the only thing that we were ever really able to control to begin with - ourselves. But, then again, how do we control something that we don't really understand? This was published on Elephant Journal. To see it there, click on the link. https://www.elephantjournal.com/2022/04/why-i-did-the-cold-water-immersion/ Pic by Coffee And A Map

Photo of author and his dog There are three sayings that I've come across in my years that have stuck with me and have had a huge impact on my thinking and, subsequently, my life. These sayings have tremendously influenced my thought processes and the way I look at things. Without any further ado, here they are; 1. The only way to know where a boundary is, is to cross it I couldn't tell you where or when I first heard this saying. All I can tell you is that there was something about it that resonated with me and it keeps me, to this day, testing my own limits. I guess I was practicing this saying well before I even heard it. It was not unusual for me to be going left when every one else was going right. I've been pushing my own physical and mental boundaries, as well as boundaries with other people sometimes. There are times i haven't pushed boundaries enough, while other times I have, unfortunately, pushed them too far. After working almost 20 years for the same company, they did what corporations seem to do these days. Being near the top of the ladder in time served, I was given the option of being moved to a different department and taking a pay cut or taking a voluntary lay-off. Thinking it was a good time to make a change, I chose the latter and to take my chances in the unknown. I took a year or so off and found myself going down numerous rabbit holes of research trying to absorb everything I could while I had the chance. This (among other things) led to my girlfriend, Betty, and I selling our home and almost all of our possessions and taking to the road to live the nomadic life over four years ago. It's a journey that we are still on. We had a little bit of a plan, a mission, when we began this journey. While that plan is still at the core of what we do, the entire journey has been altered. The thing is, we are all capable of much more than we give ourselves credit for, both physically and mentally. Don't let anyone tell you what your limits are. Don't even listen to yourself because until you have pushed yourself to the breaking point you can't honestly know where it is. And even then it must be asked; is it an actual breaking point or is it a point that I somehow predetermined that I am not passing? There is a difference. The only way to know is to cross that imaginary line. ******** 2. What if I'm wrong? Again, I couldn't tell you where or when I initially heard this question. I couldn't tell you who said it, either. That's a shame because this may very well be one of the most important, yet overlooked, questions of all time. When you take the human experience and break it down to its simplest form, as we have done, it transforms you. When you let go of who you think you are, but are not - when you upend your life and your entire world on purpose - when you intentionally put yourself into a world that you are not comfortable in, when your limits are continually pushed and uncertainty is the order of the day...that's when you begin to discover who you really are. Things become very clear when all of the outside voices are silenced and when there is nowhere to run to and no way to escape. I've had most, if not all, of my thoughts and beliefs challenged. I have challenged many of them on my own. See, everything around us is constantly changing and even science is learning more about our external and internal world every day. Yet we cling to the same thoughts and ideas and beliefs year after year after year. I think we need to challenge our beliefs from time to time. All of them. Otherwise we may be just dancing with dogma. We can question every thing and every one around us, but do we ever think to question ourselves? Doubt, although it may be uncomfortable, keeps us looking for answers. Certainty, as comfortable as it may seem, causes us to stop looking. I believe that one of the most important and overlooked questions we can ask ourselves about any thing at any time (with unfettered honesty) is, " what if I'm wrong?" ********* 3. As long as you live, keep learning how to live Okay, I do know where this saying came from. I am not a stoic or a philosophy major but this saying is attributed to the Greek philosopher, Seneca. At first it seemed like an odd saying and I had to sit with it for many moons before it began to take hold in my thinking. What does "As long as you live, keep learning how to live" even mean?? There are always things we don't know about the things we know. When we think we know, when we think we have the answers, we stop looking at things with curiosity or wonder. We stop asking questions and that's when we stop learning and growing. We go from evolving to simply revolving. We all want the truth, but to find the truth we need to find the mistakes in our own thinking. And therein lies the most difficult, the most challenging, the most life altering struggle of all. This journey/adventure that Betty and I are on has left me with a lot of thoughts, many of which I am still working through. Like all great journeys, this one has answered questions that, in the beginning, I didn't even think to ask. It has also raised many more questions. Life, itself, is a journey. ********** The human condition. Life. It's about so much more than myself or my opinions. It seems to be more about how we look at things collectively. If that's the case then maybe we all need to do the dirty work, the scary, the unpleasant and uncomfortable work of looking deep within ourselves first. The one thing that I can change, that I've always been able to change, is myself. As the saying goes, every one wants to change the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves. I think a little introspection can go a long way. Never stop learning. Never stop questioning. Never stop doing. Never stop seeking. Never stop exploring. Never stop! Pic by Coffee And A Map

Photo by Coffee And A Map If we don't - or won't - question our own capabilities and beliefs then what are we? It should be noted that I am not a therapist, nutritionist, scientist, or psychologist. Nor am I a counselor, consultant, or coach. I'm just a person with a lot of questions. In the articles on this site I write about my personal thoughts, beliefs and opinions, based upon my own perspective and my experiences. These thoughts and beliefs and opinions come from years and years of self-experimentation and self-reflection. They come from questioning and challenging MYSELF. Your mileage may vary, your views may differ, and that's okay. Not every thought or statement that I write is going to be 100% true for you. Some things work for one but not for another. Some things you can relate to while others can't relate. It's about perspective. I most definitely have my beliefs and opinions, but I also know that these beliefs and opinions are subject to change. Just because I believe something today does not mean that I will believe it exactly the same way tomorrow. I think it's perfectly normal, healthy even, to have changing and shifting beliefs. There are those who would have you think that changing your beliefs implies that you are being wishy-washy. I suppose that if we define ourselves by our beliefs then that would be understandable. If our beliefs define us then challenging or questioning a belief would be like a threat to our integrity - to our very existence. But that is a post for another day. My question would be, what is your relationship with your beliefs? Where do they come from? Why can't we question, argue with, or interrogate our own beliefs? Why are our beliefs non-negotiable? What kind of belief can't be questioned?? It's a belief, not a lifetime contract. It seems to me that to hold fast to a particular belief is also to neglect or ignore other possible explanations. Again, this is a post for another time. The point in my rambling is this; I share my writings to hopefully inspire you to look at things from a slightly different perspective, to provoke thought in the form of introspection. You are not obligated in any way to believe me. We are all moving through life at different speeds and therefore seeing things from different angles. My advice is to simply know your physical and mental limits, your capabilities, then gently and little by little, stretch them. Stay curious ! There is an infinite number of ways to look at something and it's different for all of us. We call it perspective. There is an immeasurable number of ways to get from Point A to Point B. In my articles I share what has worked, or what is working, for me. That doesn't necessarily mean that what works for me will work for you, but maybe you will find something that will help you on your own personal journey of navigating through this amazing experience that we call LIFE. I am not suggesting that you sell your home and all of your belongings, as I did, and live out of your vehicle. I am not telling you to ignore your current physical or mental status to go do something way beyond your capabilities, either. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. DO NOT ignore your physician's or your therapist's advice. If you don't have one, but you feel the need to see a physician or a therapist or a spiritual advisor then, by all means, please go see them. As for me; I frequently make the wrong choices or decisions. I am as prone to losing my cool as anyone else. I don't have it all figured out and as long as I live and breathe I never will. I know that. I also know that accepting my current state as "that's just how it is", without challenging or questioning it, is a blind acceptance that does nothing for anyone - most of all, myself. Why do we only challenge things that we DON'T want to accept? Are our beliefs that fragile? What are we doing to ourselves if we turn our backs on information only because we don't believe it or don't want to know it? Pic by Coffee And A Map

Photo by author "If I am what I have and if I lose what I have who then am I?” - Erich Fromm I worked for the same company for many years. It was a privately owned company when I began working there but the company was eventually sold to a corporation. Soon after that it did what corporations seem to do. I remember when they began letting people go. I recall watching two men that I had worked closely with getting shown the door. I think they were both somewhere near their mid 50's and had a good 50 years of experience at this place between the two of them. Within a year of being let go, both of them had passed away. It was said that without their jobs they had lost their identity, their purpose. We tend to cling to things that we believe give us our identity . Things that we have no control over and that can change in an instant. What happens when those things are suddenly gone? Who/What am I? What if the ideals that we have about our life are not our life? Take away your name, your social security number, your phone number, your work ID number, your address, and any other number that you associate with your identity. Take away your job title and any other title that goes next to your name. Remove what people think of you and, while you're at it, remove what you think about yourself. Forget about your education, your status in society, all of your experiences and your ideas. Forget your entire history. Let go of every concept, every thought, every story, every goal and every belief that you have now or have ever had. Take away everything you have ever earned and everything you have ever learned. Take away all of your possessions, your achievements, and everything you think you know. Forget about every thing and every one and every feeling that you are attached to that you think defines who and what you are. None of these things are you, they are only pieces of you that you gave significance to. But when you take them away... What's left? Who are you? What are you? You… Are... LIFE!! Pic by - Grant Krasner Oregon coast

Photo by author I've always been fascinated by mountains. I used to sit and look at pictures of these majestic behemoths in the Rockies and the Andes and the Himalayas for what seemed like hours. There was so much to take in from every photo; the contours, the shadows, the cliffs and valleys and peaks. So much terrain to absorb in a single shot. I grew up on the Plains so I would wonder what it was like to be there. Mountains also intimidated me. I really didn't know anything about them except that they could be very dangerous. Maybe, in my mind, they represented the great unknown or beckoned to my inner adventurer. From the beginning of time up until approximately the mid 1800's the ocean represented adventure and the unknown to most people. The seashore was where journeys began and ended. It was a great barrier between cultures and civilizations. It was a vast nothingness, a wilderness inhabited only by pirates. Dangers came from other lands by way of the shore. Then, with the industrial revolution, the seaside went from a place of danger and mystery and a source of food to a place of recreation. It went from a place that heightened people's senses to a place where people go to dull their senses. There are individuals who still go to the ocean for adventure or for a challenge, just as there are those who go to the mountains to recreate or just to enjoy their beauty. Still, there was something... something about the mountains that drew me to them and I didn't know what it was. I recently spent over two years living in a sea of mountains and I saw the distinct and unmistakable season changes. In the mountains the winters are long and harsh and very quiet. The summers can see the mountains bustling with visitors. Autumn turns a green hillside into a golden spectacle. I saw how the clouds or the time of day would alter the look of the entire landscape. The Milky Way is visible to the naked eye while this giant rock hurls through space. The sky often explodes with color at sunrise or sunset, but only for a few moments and then it's gone. It's easy to miss if one is not watching. I had the opportunity to learn how to read and to navigate different and constantly changing topography, to have an idea of what to look for concerning avalanches and avalanche terrain. The sheer size of the mountains reminds me of how small I really am. There were new sounds, like the sounds of a lake freezing over or an elk bugling in a nearby meadow or hearing a bear rummaging through the camp site that would wake me up in the middle of the night. I heard rock slides in a basin as I was passing nearby. The most amazing sound was the sound of pure silence as I stood and listened. There was no traffic, no people talking, no wind, no electricity buzzing. Absolutely nothing. Only my own breathing. It was almost spooky at first. It is a complete and utter silence, the likes of which I feel like very few people today have ever heard. The mountains were swarming with majestic, yet dangerous, wildlife. Animals that reminded me that we are not necessarily at the top of the food chain. There was the coyote that was passing by that stopped to exchange looks with me, trying to determine if I was a threat or not. There was the moose that I was watching with my dog as it grazed, slowly getting closer to us until I could see that its hackles were raised. Knowing that the moose sees a dog just as it sees a wolf or a coyote, as a mortal enemy, I began to cautiously back away, looking for an escape route through the aspens in case it decided to charge at us. There were the bears that walked right by our camp site as they tried to pack on 20,000 calories a day before going into their winter torpor, and we knew that if they get a hold of human food then our problems would quickly escalate. Or the unseen mountain lion that I knew had seen me when I had the palpable and eerie feeling that I was being watched while walking the dog. I looked around and saw nothing. But after turning to make our way back, even the dog kept stopping and looking behind us, confirming to me that we were, in fact, being watched by unseen eyes. Maybe what drew me to the mountains was all of these things. Maybe it was none of them. Maybe I still haven't figured out what it is that evoked my curiosity. One thing that I'm certain of is the mountains represent adventure and the unknown to me, just as the ocean once did to so many people. The mountains are peaceful one day and intimidating on another day. They are beautiful on this day and dangerous on that day. They're majestic one day, yet humbling on the next day. The mountains are a frontier full of extremes. The mountains constantly changed and challenged me, just like life. They taught me things about myself that I didn't even know I needed to learn, as long as I was willing to listen . My senses are heightened in the mountains which makes me more focused. That makes every experience richer, more intense, more vivid. The mountains perform a daily symphony of sights and sounds that need to be experienced, not just witnessed. They challenge me and let me know that I can do hard things. The mountains let me know that I'm alive. Photo by - Grant Krasner Sunrise on the trail

Photo by author On our initial camping trip to the mountains, which was several years ago, I heard it for the very first time. Complete silence. I always thought I knew what silence was until that trip. I have spent time in silence, away from the hustle and bustle of modernity many times. It was a silence from the distractions of everyday life, but there was always some other noise. Birds chirping, wind rustling the leaves, the wind itself, traffic in the distance, insects doing their thing, rain falling, the buzz of electricity - there was always some form of noise that accompanied me, even in my silence. It was September and we were in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, camping above 10,000 feet on that trip. We were the only people around. After we got used to the altitude (which is another story, itself) and had our dinner, we sat in a silence that was deafening. There were no other people. There were no animals or insects of any kind making noise. There was no wind. There were no electrical lines overhead. Every inhale and exhale of breath seemed so loud. I thought I knew what silence was until I heard absolutely nothing. I have heard absolute silence several times since then and I am captivated and in awe every time I experience it. ************** There is a great number of people in this day and age who have a strong aversion to silence. Silence is not only turning off the tv or the music or our phones. Silence is also not distracting ourselves with our own thoughts. When we are distracted, things go unnoticed. When things go unnoticed they will also go unquestioned . If it goes unquestioned then how is it being answered? We are so accustomed to noise that silence doesn't even seem natural. We fall into the all too comfortable trap of being around others or having something turned on and making noise just to avoid the silence. I don't believe that people are afraid of silence, but they're afraid of the possible noises, the thoughts, that may break the silence. I think that the strength it takes to choose to be alone in silence is incredibly underrated. To a culture of noise and urgency, which thrives on stress, silence and stillness come across as a weakness. Silence is not the absence of sound, it is a sound and like all sounds, it coincides with a feeling. Sit in the stillness. Sit in the silence. Hear it. Feel it. That pain, that discomfort that you feel when it's quiet and you are still… That's just your fear. It's the fear of facing yourself. It's avoiding the feelings. Feelings of not being enough, of shame, vulnerability, rejection, and all manner of insecurities. But it's only uncomfortable because it's unfamiliar . In the silence we begin to understand ourselves until one day we are no longer a stranger in our own lives. In the silence it may be recognized that the "YOU" that you present to the world isn't the real "YOU". In the silence we realize that it's not about finding anything, it's about becoming. Sitting in silence with ourselves is like sitting out in the woods all alone as the sun goes down, or camping in the mountains without a single noise, as we did. We may hear things breaking the silence that we're unsure of, things that aren't familiar. Do we fear it? Do we ignore it and hope it goes away? Or do we look into what it is and where it came from? Be quiet and listen to yourself. Listen to who you are, not who you wish you were or who you THINK you are . Be honest with yourself. Listen to the real you. The real you is seen and heard in the stillness and the silence of the mind. Silence is a very revealing sound, it may also be the most ignored. Silence is in the space between other sounds. Listen for it. Silence is not empty. Silence is viewed simply as an absence of noise but silence is a resource; it's information. In the silence the truth is loud. We can only hear the silence when we stop. And listen. In the silence we open up to ourselves and we face ourselves - if we choose to. It's a choice. It's always a choice. Choose yourself . "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." - Blaise Pascal Pic by Grant Krasner

Photo by Betty Shivers We stopped in Santa Fe late last summer for a visit and ended up staying for the winter. The initial plan was to visit Betty's daughter and her family for a week or so and then move on. We were asked to stay and help with the new grandson as this young couple were both still working and they were both exhausted with a (at the time) 2- month-old child. When the grandson was four months old, he and I had some alone time one afternoon while everyone else was working or running errands. He had just eaten, but was still being fussy. I changed his diaper and that helped…for about 2.5 minutes. He continued to be fussy and nothing was working to calm him down, not even the grandpa silliness that usually worked. Turns out, he just wanted to walk around while being held...naturally. We walked from room to room. Some rooms he didn't want to be in and he’d let you know about it. He became the most content when we stood in the kitchen looking at the refrigerator or at things on the counter while I gently swayed him. There was no reason, at least that I was aware of, why he wanted to do this other than to simply observe. He started getting restless again so I had to move. As I was holding him and walking laps around the coffee table - because, of course, this was the only thing currently working to keep him calm - I thought, “isn’t this just like life?” We like to have answers to everything , but often times we simply don’t have that answer. But once we take action, get up and move, do SOMETHING, then the answer comes. Sometimes that answer doesn’t even make sense…but it works. I looked down and he was asleep in my arms. I remember thinking maybe he’ll sleep for a few minutes and I can write something. Taking chances Adventure Creativity Adversity Exploration Curiosity Engaging in challenges Wonder Trying and learning new things There are things that we try to instill or encourage in our children that we, ourselves, seem to have forgotten along the way or simply don't do any more. What if the purpose of having a child is not to teach them our ways, but to re-learn life? Photo Betty Shivers

Photo by author What is the true cost of things? *This article was originally published on the independent media site Elephant Journal and can be seen there by clicking on the link at the bottom* ************ The Purpose of Things "We aren't rich by what we possess, but by what we can do without." - Immanuel Kant One year before Betty and I sold everything and started living on the road out of our truck, we began preparing ourselves and all of our things for the day of departure. We had a nice little house with a nice sized yard in a nice, quiet neighborhood. Inside the house were more nice things that we had acquired over time. There were things that we purchased to enhance the aesthetics of the home according to our personal preferences. There were things that we had always wanted and things that we needed. There were things that were functional and used regularly, as well as things that ended up in the corner of a closet or on the back of a shelf and forgotten. It took the entire year to get rid of everything that we had. It wasn't necessarily because there was too much of it, it was because we had to sort through everything repeatedly. There were items that we expected to be able to get rid of easily that we had a hard time letting go. There were also items that we anticipated would be hard to let go of, that were not. The procedure involved going through everything multiple times before slowly weeding it all out and to be able to let go of it. For that year leading up to our departure every single purchase that we made was intentional, it was made with thought and purpose. We knew what we were about to get in to - to a certain degree - and we were planning accordingly. Impulse buying or therapy shopping no longer had a place in our lives. Every single purchase that we made was for a specific reason. Real estate is very limited when your truck is your home so everything had to have a legitimate purpose - multiple purposes if possible. Weight, space, and functionality were all considered before we would buy anything. Gone were the days of purchasing a coat or a shirt or any other article of clothing simply because we liked the appearance of it or thought it would look good or feel good on us. There was no more buying of something because we felt like it or because we thought we would enjoy it. What was its purpose? Will it help to protect us from whatever Mother Nature decides to throw at us? How often would it be utilized? Is it awkward and bulky or is it easily packable? Is it durable enough to withstand the elements and being bounced around in the truck? How functional will it really be? These are the types of things that we felt that we should consider in order to best utilize available space and to be as relatively warm or as cool as we could possibly be while being outside throughout the majority of the year and in any climate that we might find ourselves in. When we began the purge, when we began to sell everything we owned, it was all put outside in the yard or on the porch to be sold in our yard sales. It all had a place and it all looked good inside the house but once it was placed outside, I looked around at all of it and was sideswiped with the realization that; "This is just stuff. It's nothing but a bunch of things". Money Changes Everything For the majority of human history money did not exist. When currency came into the picture it would alter our perception of goods, services, and belongings, and completely change our relationship with things. Today, anywhere between 40% - 80% of all purchases are impulse buys, depending on the product, and over 50% of all groceries are bought spontaneously. According to one particular survey, purchases that are made while lying in bed account for 37% of impromptu spending. To top it off, over 87% of US shoppers make impulsive acquisitions. As I see it, the most common reasons that we buy things are to display our status; to show our individuality or our allegiances; because it's new or original; because the people that are similar to us or close to us buy very similar things; or for that dopamine hit. Does having the things satisfy our hunger, or does it further feed our cravings? The credo of consumption - we believe we are upgrading ourselves and label it as progress. Right now we can order a package from half way around the world and have it delivered directly to our door while never having to leave our comfy , climate controlled environment. Is it broke? Are you tired of fixing it? Is it old or outdated? Has it lost its appeal? Do you not like it any more? Just buy another one. We are attached to our things while, at the same time, we treat everything as disposable. In this age of instant gratification we don't hesitate to snatch things up for a quick happiness boost. But that thing that was new and exciting eventually becomes old and familiar. The novelty and the newness soon wears off and the item quickly becomes just another thing. What we have is no good and what we don't have is better. We can over-consume without batting an eye in the pursuit of money and shiny objects - we call it economical. We call it a luxury. The Price We Pay It's been about five and a half years since we sold everything and began traveling and living out of our truck. Most of what was sold in those yard sales will not be missed, but to say that I don't miss any of it would not be true. There are a few things that I still miss and wish that I still had. But I have noticed that living with less makes everything that can't be priced and put on a shelf more valuable and more important. I am much more aware of my time now, and what occupies it. I'm more aware of my energy and what is consuming it. I don't have to worry as much about all of the things that I can't see because I now have the time and energy to deal with them. I've learned things about myself that I would have never learned otherwise, and I am more invested in every single experience. I have realized that these experiences have a deeper, more meaningful, and longer lasting effect than any other thing that I could possibly buy. I may be " homeless ", but I've never been more engaged with my own life and I've never been happier. This isn't to say that we can't have amazing experiences while we have a lot of things and, of course, there is value in new things. This isn't a declaration saying to get rid of all your things, nor is it saying that having a lot of things is bad. I do, however, believe that we probably need far less than we think we do. Money may have changed our perception of things but we still choose what we put value in. But this isn't about money or things. It's about our relationship with them. There is having things, there is letting go of things, and there is the understanding of things. What do we value and why do we value it? Everything has a cost, but what is the true cost of those things? What is the price we're willing to pay? One of these days we may settle down again into a nice little house with a nice little yard in a nice quiet neighborhood. This house will surely have things in it, too. I can assure you that a lot more thought and consideration will go into the purchase of each and every one of those things. For right now, I think I'm much happier investing in experiences - they're priceless. To see this article as it was published on Elephant Journal click here . Photo by Grant Krasner White Sands NP

Photo by author The smartest person in the room is almost never the most vocal. The focus has always been on the person who could talk the best or the most eloquent. We seem to have forgotten the other half of the equation - who could listen. We focus on what someone has to say, but not on what they manage to hear. Don't confuse a fast talker with a deep thinker. Don't confuse a loud talker with a credible one, either. If we aren't loud or vocal with our opinions - if we aren't constantly expressing our beliefs - people will make them up for us. They will ascribe beliefs to us without asking a single question. It's true. Just watch and listen and you'll see. People want to be seen and heard , that's why they give unsolicited advice and explain how they experience things. But they rarely ask us what we think or experience. People don't really hear what we're saying most of the time because their mind is distracted with their own thoughts of explaining their own views. When people get a belief that aligns with their views they will cling to it. If you have a differing belief just keep it to yourself. They probably aren't going to listen to it anyway. People will argue about the morality of their perspectives. Their views don't have to be a threat to you. Listening and threatening are two very different things. People don't expect silence, they expect us to jump in defending and debating. Don't react, just listen. Words can be twisted into different shapes. They can be manipulated to serve agendas, opinions, and beliefs. Words are merely labels that we give to things so that we can wrap our minds around them. In the end words don't matter so much, but actions do. It's true. Just watch...and listen. The one who can talk the longest or the loudest is usually the one who is heard. But it's in the silence when everything becomes more clear. Why are we so afraid of silence ? It's as if we fear our own thoughts. Is it because we fear seeing these things in ourselves? We have become more interested in information or tips and tricks, than curiosity, And more persuaded by noise than silence. Let there be silences. They are the spaces which give new and different thoughts a chance to arise. Sometimes we have to turn down the volume of the outside world to hear what's going on inside. Turn down the volume of the world, And turn up the volume of silence. Silence is often misinterpreted as not knowing. It's also misinterpreted as boredom or disinterest. Silence is not nothing. On the contrary, silence speaks loudly. The question is, do we know how to listen to it? Photo Grant Krasner

Photo by author Society: This is right! Society: That’s wrong! Also Society: Be yourself! You’ve done everything to fit into the box of what a good person should look and sound like. You’ve met everyone else's standards and expectations - Society’s expectations. You’ve worked hard at being accepted and at fitting in and at doing what you were told you should do. You’ve spent a lifetime trying to prove your worth. You’ve tried to do everything that was “right”, according to what you were told. But deep down you know something’s not right. Something doesn’t make sense. But everything looks good. Everything looks as it’s “supposed” to look; So you just keep going… Then things don’t work the way you were told they’d work. Things don’t happen the way you were told they would happen. Things are not adding up like you were told they would. What you were told may have worked for them; It may have worked for that period in time; But that doesn’t mean it will always and forever work; That doesn’t mean it will work for you. But still you press on, even though you feel like you are drowning on the inside. Your first instinct is to think that the problem is you; And you never consider that what you were told may be wrong or simply may not work anymore. Most people, it seems, lack the ability, the desire, or the incentive to question things; To question themselves ; To look deeper. Dare to get to know yourself. Photo - Coffee And A Map

Author commuting from work There seems to be an endless number of books, articles, and videos out there telling us how to apply methods of self-care in our lives. The internet is brimming with rituals, routines, and practices to improve our well-being. Despite all of this information, our worries, doubts, stresses, and overall feelings of uneasiness appears to still be growing. Simultaneously, our window of comfort has become so small that we can feel miserable by simply going to or from our vehicle on a hot or cold day. We’re not happy unless the temperature in our vehicle is right where we want it to be while we’re driving. Climbing a flight of stairs rather than taking an elevator is a chore. We only fancy being outside when conditions are just right. Having a conversation with someone who holds different views or beliefs can induce a grinding of the teeth, raised blood pressure, and a host of other physical discomforts. And it can be a major inconvenience to miss a meal or to break a sweat. As soon as we leave the world of concrete, pavement, hardwood floors, and climate controlled surroundings, there are those who feel lost, awkward, out of place, and/or uncomfortable. We have no more patience for anything that causes discomfort. What does any of this have to do with self-care, you ask? I want to tell you a secret… First of all; what, exactly, is self care? It’s usually defined as what we do to improve and/or  maintain our physical, emotional, and mental health. But a lot of what we read and what we hear about self-care (aside from physical exercise and nutrition), would typically lead us to believe that it’s about prioritizing pleasure, gentleness, or comfort above anything else. This isn’t wrong or bad, but this ideal of self-care is all about feeling better, although in the long run it doesn’t get us anywhere because it doesn’t make us better. We may plan, organize, coordinate, and schedule our self-care routines and practices in an effort to keep from encountering adversity and feeling awkward — anything to try to keep our inhibitions in check. There are many of us who will go to great lengths to avoid doing anything that we view as difficult or anything that might make us feel uncomfortable. Only if there is instant gratification, or if some kind of personal accolades await us shortly after completion, will we even consider it to be within the realm of possibility. Research has even shown that we are calmer when we are anticipating pain than when we are anticipating uncertainty. Why? Because uncertainty is unpredictable and when things are unpredictable we feel vulnerable. We feel vulnerable because our standard, automatic responses are most likely not going to work for us in these cases. That vulnerability and uncertainty causes us to be uncomfortable, and being uncomfortable scares the hell out of many of us. Slowly but surely, our ability to deal with discomfort is eroding. We love certainty and we love our comforts. Life, however, often has other plans. So, what if I told you that self-care and discomfort are inextricably linked? REWIND While most people spend a lot of their time avoiding anything that, to them, seems even remotely uncomfortable, I have spent the last several years being frequently uncomfortable in one form or another; sometimes by choice and sometimes not. In my previous article about self-care, (which can be seen here ) I wrote about how my partner, Betty, and I had sold our house and virtually everything we owned; how we left everything and everyone that we knew, and threw ourselves out into the world with just our truck and our camping gear to see what would happen. We did have a rough plan for what we wanted to do when we began, but for various reasons that plan did not materialize and so we had to alter our plans, as well as our expectations — over and over again. Sure, we’ve seen a lot of places that we have never seen before. We have also done a lot of things we’ve never done before and we’ve been in a lot situations we have never been in before. In the time since we began this journey we have gone for months without sleeping in a bed, let alone sleeping indoors. We have also gone for days without being able to shower. Hot environments and cold environments — we’ve stayed in them all. We have been overwhelmed by swarms of mosquitoes or various other insects, and we have chased bears from our campsite in an attempt to keep them from becoming habituated to humans and their food. We have worked jobs that we have never done before, nor ever considered doing; jobs that we knew nothing about when we started them. We have challenged and pushed ourselves to hike and bicycle hundreds of consecutive miles at a time, and not always in ideal conditions. Plan after plan after plan has either been ineffectual or hasn’t unfolded as we had hoped or expected it to. We have been mentally and physically twisted, bent, pushed, and pulled in just about every direction. There have also been times, of course, when things worked out above and beyond anything that we could have hoped or expected, and there have been times that we have stayed in nice and comfortable accommodations. It hasn’t all been rough. Nevertheless, we have had to adjust and adapt to a multitude of uncertain situations; abort or completely revamp many (most) plans; and entirely improvise our way in several cases. We have encountered numerous roadblocks, both literal and figurative, and had to get creative in finding a solution to whatever unfamiliar circumstance we found ourselves in — to whatever scenario happened to arise. We are constantly having to adjust our style and techniques of what works for us in order to adapt to whatever climate or situation we happen to be encountering. In short, we spend much of our time in situations and conditions that many people don’t even care to visit, much less have anything to do with them at all. Facing adversity and not knowing what’s going to happen next has pretty much become our normal. Don’t get me wrong, we’re certainly not immune to discomfort. We still encounter hardships and there are still plenty of things that can make us feel uneasy. We have not perfected this whole discomfort thing, by any means. But through it all we have developed a bit of a relationship with discomfort. As a result, we have also learned a thing or two about being uncomfortable and what secrets it holds. “But I have limits.” Of course you have limits. And those limits can and should be stretched. AVOIDANCE, HABITS, AND DEVELOPING SKILLS It is said that if you want to really know about someone, then put them in a pressure situation. The ability to deal with these situations is not something that you just have or don’t have, nor is it something that you can run down to the corner store and get when you realize that you don’t have it. It’s learned. It’s cultivated. It’s practiced. That would make it a skill, wouldn’t it? With many people, it would appear that whenever they have an unpleasant or uncomfortable encounter — when things don’t work out as they had hoped or expected — they will write it off as something to avoid entirely, or at the very least, have as little to do with it as possible in the future. The classic response after one of these encounters goes something like this; “Nope. Not doing that again!” The issue here is that if we remain in this mindset then we have shut ourselves off from learning anything about what happened or what part we may have played in the encounter turning out as it did. There are people who would rather use any means necessary to bypass, or altogether avoid, any type of unpleasantness. But if we want to grow and improve ourselves as individuals then avoiding discomfort is antithetical to what we are wanting. Would it not be more beneficial to figure out what we need to do to have a better outcome if we have that same unpleasant or uncomfortable encounter again? Isn’t that how we learn? Isn’t that how we grow and become better? Many of us often look at our problems or our issues as something to just get through, to fight, to rid ourselves of, or to avoid. But what if this is the wrong approach? What if we tried to get closer to these problems or issues and tried to better understand them and what they are trying to tell us about ourselves? Wouldn’t we be better off trying to figure out the root cause of the issue, what it does to us, and why? Avoidance. It actually does work, and it can even make us feel better…for a while. But once we start depending on it to feel better, we then build our life around our proclivity towards avoidance until it becomes that ol’ familiar habit. Our constant desire for comfort (that many have equated as a “need”) has greatly impaired our ability to deal with any hardships. We have become so comfortable, in fact, that there are many, many people who get very upset or anxious when they simply don’t know what’s going to happen next. Much of the self-care advice out there is about getting rid of “this” or suppressing “that”. But the missing key ingredient is to learn how to work with what is. This strengthens our understanding of “what is ” and we can learn how to work with it and possibly even use it to help us in the future. But if we’re always complaining about the way things are, if we’re always trying to conform things to the way we want it to be or think it should be…when are we learning how to deal with the way it is? We have to be uncomfortable with how things are before we can know or reach for another way — for how things could be. Yes, there are times we need to just unplug or get away. It’s when this becomes the norm that we may be working against ourselves. Every time we retreat from a rough day or a rough week by zoning out and binge watching something from our streaming services with a quart of ice cream; every time we think we need some drinks, a shopping spree, excessive sleeping, or a spa retreat, to deal with life’s stressors; we are, in reality, just reinforcing that behavior with each time that we do it. We are conditioning ourselves to continue doing these things when the going gets rough. Another way to look at it is we are forming a habit. But if we can train ourselves to do difficult things, doing difficult things become easier. This is the current environment of self-care that I am seeing, for the most part. We’re promoting and taking part in things that make us feel better, but not the things that make us be better. As with anything, the more we do it, the better we get at it. Whether that’s learning to play an instrument or learning a new language; staying outside longer than we’d like in less than ideal conditions; trying to stand on one leg; or meeting life face to face and on its terms, not the terms we try to impose on it. Doing something new or something that’s unconventional to us means that we’re probably going to be bad at whatever it is for a while. But the more we do it, the more reflexive it becomes and the better we become at it. This is how habits are formed and this is how skills are developed. If we don’t push ourselves or challenge ourselves, and when we avoid the hard things, then suddenly one day we wake up and everything is much harder than expected. Then we blame everything else — everything except our habitual avoidance of discomfort. Do you know that if we don’t challenge ourselves or push our boundaries, then we are inherently settling for whatever we get? We’ll just keep doing what we’ve always done and we’ll keep getting the same damn results over and over again. If we don’t work on it, if we don’t practice it, if we don’t train it, if we don’t question it (whatever it is), it will eventually become our normal. “That’s easier said than done.” Everything is easier said than done. THE OTHER SIDE Again, I am aware that we all need a time and a place and a way to relax, regroup, recharge, and refocus our energies. We should absolutely take some time to be kind and gentle with ourselves and we may even need some assistance every now and then. And, yes, we sometimes need a complete escape from whatever is troubling us. Betty and I are no different. One way that Betty likes to de-stress is by soaking in a hot bathtub when she can, complete with music that is calming to her, and even some burning candles. For myself, I prefer silence to decompress. I like to sit or lie down with no devices and no music. Listening to whatever sounds are around me, as I am being still, is very cathartic. This “soft” side of self-care is not done to forget about our issues or hope they go away. It’s done to step away and clear our minds so that we can revisit the issue with a new slate, maybe even a different perspective, and hopefully find a solution to those issues. But this is only one part — only one side — of self-care. There are some of us who have gotten real good at avoiding practically anything that makes us feel uncomfortable. We then feel very uneasy if we have to deal with anything even remotely unpleasant. The amount of people that I have seen who “freak out” when they can’t get what they are used to getting or what they are comfortable with, is staggering. We can get so accustomed to being in comfortable situations that even the slightest deviation from our pleasures and comforts can become very problematic. Our comfort zone is typically thought of as a place where we feel safe and where we can relax. It’s where we don’t have to pay much attention to - or give much thought to - what we are doing. The comfort zone can also be thought of as a state or a condition that we are physically and mentally familiar with. Sometimes, whether we like it or not, we need to stretch ourselves to the edge of our abilities; the edge of our comfort zone. We need to expand our base of normalcy. We have to find ways to challenge ourselves. It has to be uneasy and uncomfortable for a while. Continuously avoiding our discomforts only limits our experiences and also limits what we are capable of achieving. We need to experience hard things to know how to handle hard things — and they will come. If you are not preparing yourself for difficulties and hardships, you’re most likely protecting yourself from them. This is how self-care can easily become self-sabotage if we’re not careful. Self-care is not the problem, but how we look at it may be. Sure, it’s easy to come up with dozens of reasons for why we can’t do something or don’t want to do something. That’s easy. That doesn’t even take any effort. And the myriad reasons we can conjure up to avoid doing something will always outweigh the reasons for why we should do it. When we give ourselves a list of options we will invariably choose the easiest one. So what is the point in doing anything hard or difficult? It makes us better versions of ourselves. Does this mean that we should always be uncomfortable? Of course not. Does this mean that by doing the difficult things and being willingly uncomfortable then everything will suddenly get better or that all of our problems will go away? Nope. That’s not how this works. That’s not how anything works. It’s absolutely going to be hard at first. It takes time and it takes practice to develop a skill. Knowing how to deal with discomfort requires some effort on our end. This is how things work. It’s no different than that first day on the job or when you tried to lose weight or tried to start that new exercise program for the first time. There will be days where you want to quit. Days that it seems too hard and you just don’t want to do it anymore. Those are, believe it or not, the most important days. You may feel like you’re at the end of your rope, but you’re not at the end on those days, you’re just at the edge — the edge of your comfort zone — the edge of what you are familiar with. This is when you lean into the discomfort . You keep going and one day you suddenly notice that it’s gotten much easier, and you may even discover that you’ve started trusting yourself again. It might not be enjoyable, but that doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful. “That sounds hard.” That’s the point. Fast Forward When you do the difficult things and overcome them, you are empowering yourself. You develop more self control and self respect. You build more self esteem and self confidence. You’re improving yourself. You’re growing. You’re discovering new potentials. That sounds to me like you’re loving yourself and caring for yourself. If you never practice being uncomfortable in any way, shape, or form; if you aren’t voluntarily challenging and pushing yourself beyond what you are comfortable with, at any time or in any way; you may be practicing a very limited and narrow version of self-care. I can assure you that many of us are sitting amid so many comforts that we don’t even recognize all of our cushy comforts. Self-care and self-soothing are not necessarily the same things. So, how do you learn how to handle discomfort? It doesn’t require doing something radically extreme or making any sort of life altering, monumental change . Start simple. The first step is to honestly recognize how we look at various tasks or activities that we do on a regular basis. Things we may do every day — and possibly have always done it a specific way without a second thought — but things we could do in slightly different ways. Do you label it as either easy or difficult? Is it potentially fun or is it more likely to be unpleasant? What is the easiest way that I can complete this act with the least amount of resistance? Many, if not most, of our everyday undertakings come to us filtered through one or more of these lenses. Start small. Find one thing that you do on a routine basis, yet as easily as possible. It may be something as simple as sitting down to get dressed in the morning. How do you make it more challenging? Do it standing up. Do you always put dirty dishes in the dishwasher? Wash them by hand. Rather than buying vegetables in a can or container and already cut, chopped, or diced, get fresh vegetables and cut them up to your liking at home. Instead of driving a block or four to grab something at the local store, walk or take a bicycle. When you do drive, park farther away from the building rather than looking for an open spot as close to the door as possible. Take the stairs, not the elevator, to go one or two levels. Brick by brick. Little by little. Let’s go back for a moment to when I did have a house. It was a small, but cozy, two bedroom house that sat on almost half an acre. There were two small sheds and two mature trees in the yard; one tree in the front of the house and one in the back. There was a little bit of shrubbery and one incredibly large rose bush that was also in the yard. Point being, there were not a lot of obstacles on the lawn. For years I always trimmed the shrubbery and the rose bush with hand held pruning shears, never electric ones. I also mowed the yard with a gas powered push mower. Always. It wasn’t that I couldn’t afford electric shears or a riding lawn mower. I chose to do these things in a less than convenient way. I willingly chose the more difficult option because it gave me a greater sense of accomplishment when I was finished. Not to mention, it gave me some exercise as well as some vitamin D. I think that if we were to take a good look at ourselves and what we do and the way we do it, the creative possibilities for doing something in a different way — a way that may seem inconvenient or difficult — are nearly unlimited. We need to examine what we do, and why we do it, not just look for the easiest or quickest way. After you’ve selected your discomfort of choice to work on, the next step is to stay with it. Whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable, stay with it just a minute longer than you did the last time. Again, it can be a conversation topic; or being away from your phone; or being in the weather; or a new exercise program; or sitting in silence; or being around someone that gets under your skin; or writing a lengthy article about a specific subject matter, and approaching it in an unconventional way — anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s taking one small step beyond what you are comfortable with. Right when you get to that point where you always want to stop, where you’re invariably ready to throw in the towel, you dig in and stay there for one more minute. Just one. Sit with it. Notice what it’s making you think and how it’s making you feel. This is the beginning of understanding it. Take a breath. Take a minute. Now continue. Pretty soon, that one minute becomes two minutes. You keep hanging on and one day you look back and realize that what was once difficult has suddenly become much easier. (***NOTE — This should go without saying, but there are those who bring up the most extreme examples or take things way out of context. Staying in an abusive relationship, performing something that may cause bodily injury to yourself or anyone else, and engaging in illegal or life threatening activities is not the type of discomfort that this article is referring to!) There are always going to be cases where we need to do something quicker or easier for various reasons. But I’m willing to bet that those times aren’t nearly as often as we’d like to believe they are. Do the hard things because you know it will make you a better version of yourself in the long term. Without challenges or adversity, our minds and bodies actually begin to weaken and deteriorate. This is very counterintuitive to a society that is preoccupied with conveniences and comfort. The more we take on the challenging or uncomfortable things, the less overwhelmed or afraid of them we become. And the less overwhelmed and afraid we are of discomfort, the easier it is to move with the challenges and changes in life and remain curious about this experience of being human. Life moves so much easier this way. Conclusion We seem to have this idea that we need to protect ourselves from discomfort when we’d be much better off understanding it and learning how to work with it, instead. How we handle discomfort can be a major factor in our overall well-being, for better or worse. It’s not a secret, but it’s almost never talked about. Why is it never talked about? Because many of us don’t want to hear it, as it tends to make us uncomfortable. This makes discomfort an often overlooked, but no less important tool, to improving and maintaining our physical, emotional, and mental health. If you were to look at the people in your life, I can assure you that those who are the calmest and the most genuinely happy are also the ones who are better at dealing with life’s adversities and discomforts. Self-care is about developing our mental, emotional, and physical resources to get us through the challenging and difficult times. It is not just about doing what we have to do to survive the day, it’s also about building ourselves up to be able to do what we need to do so that we can take on the day. I think it’s ironic that we often put our self-care on an agenda. Self-care is not something to schedule or an item to put on a to-do list. It’s not an event, it’s a process. It’s a perspective. It’s an attitude. It’s a skill. It’s a mentality . It’s a lifestyle. It’s caring for all parts of yourself. But just like with anything else, we only seem to want to acknowledge the good, the fun, and the comfortable parts. We need to hold ourselves to a higher standard than just making it through the day. We need to hold ourselves to a higher standard than just surviving. This is the self-care that asks a price of us that many aren’t willing to pay. This is the self-care that nobody talks about because it calls for a degree of commitment and sacrifice on our part. This is the self-care that requires us to be completely honest with ourselves, because if we aren’t honest with ourselves then the rest of it won’t make a damn bit of difference. We need to be honest and take a deep, hard look at ourselves. This part of self-care calls for us to find what’s not easy, and then do it. When we stop spending our time and energy on trying to feel better, we may actually become better. Since we began living out of our truck over five years ago I’ve heard this saying, or something very similar, many times; “It takes a special breed to do what you are doing.” No, not really. I don’t think our differences as humans are so much physiological as they are cognitive. What’s the secret? The only secret lies in the difficulties that we’re avoiding; the discomfort we aren’t wanting to face. It’s no secret, really. It just requires a different mindset. We all have our own paths to take. Just make sure some of them are hard ones. **This article was originally published on Medium , and can be seen here . Photo - Coffee And A Map

Photo by author So you went and did something crazy. Something outrageous; something absurd that you considered to be totally outside of your comfort zone. You listened to all the talks. You read a lot of the articles and watched a ton of videos about it. Finally something resonated with you or inspired you. Then one day it all came together and clicked. Even though it was something that you still considered to be well outside of your comfort zone, you did it . You decided to challenge yourself. Past regrets, doubts, and future fears came rushing in before you started, but you still did it. Afterwards, you realize nothing seemed to have changed. You feel like you wasted your time. The world was still the same and you wonder what the point was, you wonder why you even did it at all. But you gave yourself an opportunity. You gave yourself a chance. You allowed yourself a moment to experience something far more challenging than you would have before - something far greater than you normally allow yourself to. The world may be the same, but you’re not. And that’s how it starts. Photo by Grant Krasner Sunrise on the Atlantic Ocean